all alone
"the long March to nowhere"

1) Spitting Out Your Tears
2) Muscle
3) Nowhere
4) Toothache Face
5) What if I Say Please?
6) The Heart Turns Away the Moment
7) Juli Darkness
8) The Look on My Face
9) The Good Things
10) Broken Heart Repair Kit
11) Me Thrown Away
12) Hurtful Words
13) December
14) Funeral for a Flower
15) Goodbye Right Now
16) Eulogy


1) *spitting out your tears*
(wordless)

2) *muscle*

i'm dancing with the machines
how can you say i mean nothing?
trapped beneath you kissing me
and now you know what you're missing

i wrap my cells around you
i write my songs all about you
and i promised i'd shove you out just before
my head breaks apart, i know

    i travel through your skin into
    my new place to forget about you
    in every letter of every word
    you send me over, fuck this verse

       the words i live inside
       the letters my new place to hide

i think i'm myself
then i'm you, again
my fingers stutter as i throw the
towel
in

3) *nowhere*

is this what i get for being so nice?
you should stand in these shoes with me, sometime
before you leave me alone
with my mistakes
and bad excuses to cry

to fucking nowhere we go
so i could put my fist through another window

when i think now there's no other way through
         and how i don't get to see you

you know it makes me miss you
i lie alone and find those things you tried to hide
trapped in the cracks inside my head
where you say they've always been

waiting for me and my mistakes
and any beauty you didn't take

you see, if this is the only way
i guess i'm walking away

4) *toothache face*

now i'm scared
but you said i should be
if i got

trapped inside of you
and if you said you're through

with me and i'd face the truth
if it had anything to do
with these screws
you turn loose

with your darkness in little shoes
i know you read the pages i do

and you know i would try and find you
if i knew where to begin

in the middle of an empty space
so sad the look on my toothache face
my face

5) *what if i say please?*

the perfect taste in my mouth
as i fall dead
if yesterday comes back tomorrow,
i won't get mad

   and i won't get even
   no i won't get even

i keep hearing now you've changed the lines
to my favorite story
watch me worry

   when you say no, what if i say please?
   and no one but you can see my disease

overlooking heaven
no i won't get even

6) *the heart turns away the moment*

i have never felt so strange
-ly infected
by the words burning their way
up through my narrow throat
to the deepest regions of our tortured souls

   say it's alright
   even though it's not all mine

         and i'm crying as you smile
         and i'm drooling like a miracle
         and i've met the enemy
         and he looks just like me

i've hurt myself to show you of a place
unfamiliar beautiful thing
swirling away
getting in the way
into the way i kill myself
to teach you what i'll never know

   that it's alright
   even when it's not alright
   bring the deepest reasons
   console my soul
   i'll teach you where you've
   made me grow

          and i'm crying as you smile
          and i'm blooming like a marigold

          and i'm not the enemy
          but he looks just like me

7) *juli darkness*

the sun comes up
in my head
the way you feel
sits in my blood

and you lay caged
in my fingers
getting off

   wish i knew
   where are you?
   you could pull
   me out
   show me how
   to pull you
   out, too

would you go
see my movie
even if it wasn't
all about you

and now you break
your skin
absorbs my
good intent

   wish i knew
   where are you?
   you could pull
   me out
   show me now
   to pull you
   out...

come back
play
with every word
i say

the bitter tongue
unfolds the
hurtful
words

8) *the look on my face*

i hate myself
as i lean against the floor
i dare you to make
me suffer some more
for being the victim
of your bad decisions
here waiting for your loving embrace
to change the look on my face

9) *the good things*

i wonder
what you wanted
i broke apart
over you when you

wanted the sun
not my handful of clouds
your voice was wide open
your smile was out loud

now your pretty sadness
shimmers in this darkness
and i am surrounded
by your sacrifices

and my own puppet strings
kissin your skinny white fingers
if i try to crack a smile
will you have to break me open?
just for a while

and watch me watching you cry
when you think of me

i'm tore up today
i'll be tore up tonight
if i can't see your face
if i can't
if i can't smell your hair
if i can't share

your time

your time

your time

10) *broken heart repair kit*

i fell into my head
to leave my ego for dead
i'm almost god
you sink in my empty cunt

the heart in flames descends
i watch
from under your lover's skin

and drip into your box
your rotted black liquid thoughts
drip onto rose petals
like butterflies

every sad song
only for you i write
feel the scars in my hands
as they start to slither and bite
until they are inside
where i fear tomorrow
is a whore
i can't afford

and i trip into your thoughts
your carnal lonely mental box
and sip on those rose petals
and get drunk tonight

my heart in flames descends
i crawled out of where you left me
looked like my head
covered in a word i never
said
"stay"

11) *me thrown away*

i'll be who you want
if you behave like i need

i'll be who you love
throw away me

the skin on my face
middle of the day

every cloud in my eyes
drifts away

for you
everything you do

would you believe
i'd throw away me?

12) *hurtful words*

me and your ghosts
been makin out
me and your reality
didn't really work out

and you say its for the best
but me, i'm not so sure
and the words never disappeared
they just wondered where you were

they just hung up in mid air
inches away from my muddy hair
and you can't say that i left
'cause i've always been there

and i've got wednesday eyes
even though it's thursday morning
and i've just lost my mind
over what you could be doing

and it's so easy to run
when i feel like i am no one
and the wind blows through your eyes
every time i try to lie

you didn't want to lose
and i didn't want you to
i feel all the pain you do
i see all the things you do

and it's not safe inside my head
for you or your friends to roam
but i've reserved you a celebrity suite
down in my tortured soul

and you say it's for the best
but me, i'm insecure
and you know i never left
i just wondered where you were

and i've got wednesday eyes
even though it's thursday morning
and i just lost my mind
over what you've got me doing

and it's so easy to run
when i feel like i am no one
and the wind crawls through your eyes
and my tears leave scabs behind

13) *december*

it's almost like
we're still at home
and you still care
and when your eyes turn Away
you still see nothing but me

and i held the whole you
but i hated the real me

     i am wrapped in these cold sheets you once knew
     but they're not you
     I can feel in me
     how I got used

  there went my poker face
  here is my pair of 2's

in this car, it looks like december
we are old and overspent
in my head, i can't not remember
and you can't afford more of this regret

\/

i lay stained with whys across the  love i left in your head
right next to the only   words i could find just then
now i know the whole you
i can hate it, lucky me

    no one's perfect, now you know
    all those wishes we made, you keep them, they're all yours
    what a nice kiss i did share
    with such an angry little girl
    
                her lights are flickering
                and now i'm on top

in this car, it looks like december
i hope sarah comes home soon
in my head, i can't not remember
and you cant afford much more of this regret

  you and the end of time
  forever in my back pocket
  your words deserting me
  finally.  
  i laugh till i feel clean.  
  i pretend it was just a dream.

14) *funeral for a flower*

your smile is collapsing
on the outside i can think
leaving the loneliness
try and unravel
if anything is left in me
i am enveloped by
your language
i see you up in my television

all your faces carved into these pills
why do we always have to sleep all day?
against filtered out midnightmares
when i walk down your street, when i dare
the day should surround me
the now should shelter my head

if my airplane
burns up
if my feet dissolve in the rain
remember
Long ago, how
i used to feel good
under your every word
scractching me with sad fingernails
as we're resting upon the thorns of my weakness,
i disappear
and want to just disappear

every word
scratching me with sad fingernails
as we're resting together upon the thorns
of my weakness
i disappear
i want to just disappear
i want to go back to bed
tiny pieces of your smiles in my hands

15) *goodbye right now*

your smile is
tranquility
seeping deep down
all over me

in your loneliness
i am unravelled
ever think
i'm losing me?

and i'm enveloped by
your language
i see you up in my
television

and your face is carved
into these pills
i
don't know why
we can't sleep all day

in this filtered out
mid nightmare
when i waLK down your streets
when i dare

the day should
surround me
the now should shelter
my head

if my
airplane burns up
if my feet
dissolve in the rain

when i remember how i
used to feel
good

under your every word
scratching me
with sad fingernails
as we're resting
together upon the thorns of my weakness

i disappear

i want to just disappear

under your every word
scratching me
with sad fingernails
as we're resting
together upon the thorns of my weakness

i disappear

i want to just disappear
i want to just disapate
into your smile again

16) *eulogy*
(wordless)